Boston Red Sox All D-Bag Team

This is a bit off-theme...but I had a fantastic time putting it together.

I love the Red Sox, but the players are human. And some of the players are better humans than others. So I've compiled a roster of my Red Sox All-Time D-Bag Team. Only 2 requirements to making the cut: must have played for the Red Sox at some point in their career, and must be a douchebag.

Enjoy...

RED SOX ALL-DOUCHEBAG TEAM

• 1B – Wil Cordero -- Sadly, pro athletes seem to have a proclivity to beating their wives. But Cordero will not be outdone--he beat his wife (repeatedly) while she was pregnant.
• 2B – Jose Offerman -- Convicted in 2007 on 2 second degree assault charges for attacking a minor league pitcher with his bat. Oh, and most recently was suspended for life from the Dominican winter league for punching an umpire.
• 3B – Wade Boggs -- Such a lovable guy that he was forced to pay alimony to his mistress in 1988. All the chicken in the world won't fix those broken balls.
• SS – Julio Lugo -- Honestly, don't know much about the man personally. Just really, really, really despise him. Hate his face.
• C – Tony Pena -- Any catcher who sits on his ass during live game play is going to make this list.
• OF – Tris Speaker -- Proud member of the KKK. As in, come-see-the-pictures-of-my-new-grandson level proud.
• OF – Ted Williams -- The statue of him outside of Fenway putting his cap on a child's head is like a statue of Liberace in bed with a woman. Williams hated kids, made a point to ignore them. After waiting hours just to say "good game Teddy," he would blow by my mother and her friends standing at the Fenway player's entrance/exit after every game without so much as looking at them. Evil. (Did do some good things in WWII, but still...)
• OF – Carl Everett -- So much to say...I'll use the 'Family Day at Fenway' incident, where Jurassic Carl (he doesn't believe in dinosaurs actually existing, since the New Testament never mentioned them) struck out looking and proceeded to go on a profanity laced tirade behind homeplate in front of a group of about 500 schoolkids. He was released shortly thereafter. I guess Carl never found the word "classy" in the Bible, so it must not exist.
• DH – Kevin Mitchell -- Before even getting into the league, he was shot 3 times due to gang-related activity in San Diego. Then, when signed by the Mets, punches Daryl Strawberry during a pick-up basketball game. Got mad at his girlfriend in 1986, and held Doc Gooden hostage as he decapitated his girlfriend's cat. Told a reporter that he never wore a cup because he "couldn't find one big enough for his junk." Missed games in his career due to: straining muscle while vomiting, breaking tooth on a chocolate donut. Arrested for assaulting his father in 1999. As a minor league manager in 2000, suspended for punching the opposing team's owner in the mouth.
• P – Roger Clemens -- Awful human being. Your heart is black, and I hate you. Sweet Jesus!
• P – Babe Ruth -- Imagine what Ruth could have done if he wasn't such a mess??? Wow.
• P – Curt Schilling -- The only thing Curt has been schilling for his entire career, is Curt.
• P – Dennis “Oil Can” Boyd -- Didn't get his nickname because he was good at working on cars...where he comes from beer is known as "oil." Arrested for threatening the life of his girlfriend and her son in 2005.
• P – Bill “Spaceman” Lee -- More hilarious than douchy, but still makes the list. Loved maoist china, told an umpire he'd bite his ear off, claimed smoking pot before games kept him impervious to bus fumes as he jogged to work at Fenway. Always keeps a Graig Nettles baseball card in his wallet, so that "Nettles's face is always up against the back of my ass no matter where I go." (I love that.)
• P – David Wells -- Said he hated Boston because he had no privacy. but when you miss games after cutting your hand on a wine glass after drunkenly falling off a bar stool in your own house in the middle of the day, you aren't due that much privacy. Got so fat that he gave himself type 2 diabetes in 2007.
• P – Brad Penny -- Pitched like sh!t for 4 months, got booed at Fenway and gave the fans the finger. Seems like the professional thing to do.
• P - Bob Stanley -- Game 6. October 25, 1986. It was Stanley's wild pitch that tied it, so even if Buckner fields that ball, the game still continues. Buckner is forced to move to Washington state to escape the pain, Stanley gets off scot-free. It's not right.
• CL – Ugueth Urbina -- Convicted of attempted murder for attacking farm workers with a machete and pouring gasoline on them. Sentenced to 14 yrs in prison.
• BN – Jose Canseco -- Multiple arrests and charges of domestic abuse, battery and assault throughout his career. In 2003 tried to charge people $5000 to hang out with him for the day. Huge, huge douchebag.
• BN – Rickey Henderson -- Again, comical. but his level of narcissism may never be witnessed in professional sports again. Rickey was the greatest of all-time!
• BN – Mike Torrez -- Could be a good guy, not sure. But if you give up a game-winning Homerun to Bucky Dent in a one-game playoff, you are a douchebag
• BN – Manny Ramirez -- Only a douchebag would have 5 sons, and name them all Manny Ramirez.
• BN – Steve Lyons -- Cared so much about the game that he would play tic-tac-toe with himself in the infield dirt. but it was as a national broadcaster for FOX that Lyons really shined...On Shawn Green taking Yom Kippur off: "He’s not even a practicing Jew. He didn’t marry a Jewish girl. And from what I understand, he never had a bar mitzfah, which is unfortunate because he doesn’t get the money." On seeing a partially blind Mets fan in the stands wearing special lenses to help him see the game: "He has a digital camera stuck to his face!" On sitting next to Lou Pineilla as Lou spoke Spanish: "I still can't find my wallet. I don't understand him, and I don't want to sit close to him now."
• BN – Jack Clark -- How do you deal with a teammate you don't like (Tony Gwynn)? Well, hang them in effigy in the visitor's dugout at Shea, of course. Declared bankruptcy while trying to handle payments on 17 different luxury autos. Lost his house and his business...that's how you take care of your family!
• BN – Jeremy Giambi -- All the douchyness of his brother, without any of the talent.
• MNGR – Don Zimmer -- Nicknamed "the designated gerbil" by his 1970s Red Sox teams. If a player had any whiff of independent thought, was immediately shipped out of town. Developed nicely into a crotchedy old man whose dumpy waddle couldn't back up his cantankerous mouth. You damn kids, get off my lawn!
• COACH – Dale Sveum -- Led the universe in getting runners thrown out at home. Hated him.
• GM – Dan Duquette -- True heir apparent to Tom Yawkey. When players draw up contract clauses that read "the only team I am not allowed to be traded to is the Boston Red Sox" because of you, you know you are a douchebag.
• OWNER – Tom Yawkey -- His vicious racism directly led to decades of horrible Red Sox teams. Institutionalized biggotry in the Red Sox organization, and got a street named after him for his efforts. Being the last team to integrate meant not competing for 20+ years. Good move.

So there it is...feel free to expand/comment on the list...