Root, Root, Root For The Home Team

One major drawback that goes with following your teams from a rival city, is that you are constantly bombarded with newspapers, local TV, radio, and other media centered around team(s) you hate. For example, there is a special place in hell represented by the New York Post back page after the Yankees beat the Red Sox...and if that win is in the playoffs, god help the unsuspecting Red Sox fan just trying to get to work on the subway. But we can get into that later...now I want to talk about one annoyance in particular: the hometown sportscaster.

Now, it is expected that regional broadcasters will be homers to some degree. In pretty much all cases, they are hired and paid by the teams they broadcast for. They travel with the club, they stay in the same hotels, they are basically the public face of the organization. And when you are a fan watching/listening to the games in the home market, you are fine when the broadcaster roots along with you. But watch your team in a rival market...oh boy.

Here in New York, the Yankees TV games are presented by Michael Kay with a revolving supporting cast, including Al Leiter, John Flaherty, Ken Singleton and others. Singleton is harmless. Flaherty I don't mind, he brings some solid defensive strategy and perspective as a former MLB catcher to the booth. (He played briefly for the Red Sox, as well, but you'd never know it by his comments...unless someone else in the booth mentions it in the context of "wow, John, that must have been awful to be over there. I mean, how did you deal with that? Gold star for you, buddy. That organization is just terrible...".)

And I will admit, I love to listen to Al Leiter in the booth. He deserves to do as many national games as possible. (FOX...please, please, please get rid of Tim McCarver...that guy is AWFUL. It would be funny if it weren't so tragic. In one Sox-Yankees nationally broadcast game 2 years ago, McCarver called Ted Williams "Teddy Baseball" and Don Mattingly "Donny Ballgame." I threw up in my mouth, and was immediately inundated with text messages from Sox and Yankees friends alike. I will give him this...McCarver has that special ability to piss of everyone equally.) But Leiter is great. I have been playing/following baseball for more than 25 years, yet Leiter manages to teach me something new about the game in almost every broadcast. He is the guy I want in the national booth during the playoffs, no doubt. He is the least Yankee-leaning of anyone in the YES booth, he is all about the game, the situation, the personnel, the nuances of pitching, etc. Sure, he praises the Yankees, but if Jeter Ks looking on a disputed call--but it was in fact a strike--Leiter will say so. He doesn't make excuses for the team that pays his bills, and he isn't afraid to criticize their play. Just a stand up guy, and a great baseball mind. Big fan.

But, then...there is Michael Kay. I really can't stand this guy. And guess what? I'm not alone. And it's not because I am a Red Sox fan, either. Picture the most obnoxious Yankees fan you can think of, and then imagine having to listen to him call a game against your team for 4+ hours. Pure, unadulterated hell.

Here is typical Michael Kay call: "Rodriguez DEEEEEEP to left!!! It is HIIIGH, it is FAAAR...and it's caught by the shortstop in shallow left center. Two outs."

His "SSSSEE YAAAHHHH!!!!" every time a Yankee hits a home run is the bane of every baseball fan's existence. As a Yankees fan friend of mine recently pointed out: "way to make a great moment ridiculous." The guy is an absolute toolbox. To mitigate his awfulness, I can mute the TV and listen to the Red Sox radio announcers do the game on my computer. It takes some skilled pausing/starting on the DVR to get it synced up just so...but it's definitely worth it (the key is to match the sound of the ball snapping into the catcher's mitt after a pitch with its visual equivalent). Anyway, I can get rid of Kay, but then can't listen to Leiter. Sad, but necessary.

Then there is the Yankee radio broadcasters, John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman. We'll start with Suzyn.

What a trainwreck. She is SUCH a homer, it is truly hilarious. No one can forget her performance during Joe Torre's final press conference as the Yankees manager. It was epic. Lest we forget, Suzyn is hired as a "professional" broadcaster, but that didn't stop her from balling on the air when contemplating life without Joe. Her emotional breakdown was so inappropriate that even her partner, John Sterling, had to cut in with (paraphrasing here) "Suzyn, all things come to an end...he's won 4 titles, he's going to the Hall of Fame, he made a lot of money. Torre will be fine. I'm sure it's sad (in the clubhouse), but honestly. He'll be fine, and for god's sake just pull yourself together."

But it gets better. Remember when Roger Clemens decided to return to pitch for the Yankees midway through the 2007 season? Suzyn Waldman does!!!

"ROGAH CLEMENS IS IN GEOWGES BOWX!!!!! MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS, OF ALL THE DRAMATIC THINGS!!!!!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WHO'S GONNA TAKE THAT SPOT IN THE ROTATION!!!! ROGAH'S BAAAAACK!!!!" Listen here, with an expanded version here. You won't be disappointed.

To hear her tell it, Clemens was going to pitch for the Yankees for free (because Yankee Greatness was payment enough, of course) and it was 1986. But actually, he was being paid $5 million PER MONTH, he was 45-yrs-old, went 6-6 with a 4.18 ERA in 3+ months of work, and the Yankees lost the ALDS to the Indians. Suzyn is terrible...but we aren't done with Yankees radio quite yet. Oh no...

John Sterling. This guy is special. It's his call at the end of Yankees wins where Sterling really shines: "Inning over!! Ballgame over!!! The Yankees WIN!!!!!! THEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeE Yankees WIN!!!!!!!" Last game of the World Series, first game of spring training...it's always the same campy virbrato. And always height of douchyness.

Don't believe me? Watch/listen to this call from a game in 2008, and please note that the game is being played in mid-June. I belly laugh every time I see that clip.

(Aside: I am listening to the Sox game on the internet radio as I type this, and the Red Sox radio announcers are currently making fun of John Sterling, cracking each other up as each of them try their hand at an impression. Classic.)

But even more than that, he somehow manages to fail tremendously at his basic duty: calling the game. Incredibly, he doesn't seem to understand that his audience is NOT watching the action, they are listening to it. It is the RADIO, after all. But Sterling is unfazed. Game action continues, but his listeners are treated to whatever aimless story Sterling feels like finishing. You actually have to listen to the level of crowd noise to try and make out which team is doing what.

Here's a typical half-inning as called by John Sterling:

(NOTE: All stories are at least 4x as long and 5x as pointless as presented here.)

"It's a beautiful afternoon here in Minnesota as Posada steps in to lead off the top of the 4th. Just look at those clouds hovering over the ballpark! See that one? It looks just like a pirate ship! Well, of course, it's not the correct amount of sails for a fully-rigged barquentine of the period, but for a cloud, it's pretty close! You know Suzyn, that gets me to thinking about how I was there--and I mean THERE...6th row!!...one of the lucky ones--for that unforgettable 1956 Broadway revival of The Pirates of Penzance. What music! What lyrics! What costumes! It's amazing to me what passes as theater these days, it really does. Cano to second on the passed ball, another Yankee runner in scoring position with nobody out. But that just seems to be a familiar refrain these days, doesn't it Suzyn? (Suzyn: "Oh yes, John. Oh YES!!") You just don't get the same detail and care, really, if you want to assign a term to it--I would say 'care'--when it comes to Broadway costumes of today. This is something I feel very strongly about, as Granderson dances off third. And this costuming decline is happening everywhere, Suzyn, even--believe it or not!!--with the gloriously storied, richly wondrous and immensely Great (with a capital "G," no actually, to be perfectly frank, every letter in the word "GREAT" must be capitalized!!) New York Yankees. It was a sad day, for sure, when the Yankees decided to unceremoniously toss aside those beautiful lamb's wool uniforms made famous by Cozy Dolan and Hippo Vaughn. That's when a Yankee was a Yankee--and when a Yankee had guard against getting his jersey wet, lest it shrink 5 sizes in 3 minutes and become impossible to remove. Man, they were sharp, and Jeter retreats to second base after Gardner flies out to shallow right. Just incredible--nobody walks slowly back to second base after an out like El Capitan! Absolutely NOBODY!!! DEREK JETER NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE!!!!!!!!! (Suzyn: "Oh YES, John!!!!!) And Suzyn, of course, you'll be too young to remember this, but the buttons on those jerseys were made of desert-tanned bisonhide. Very durable, and you could chew on them if you needed a pick-me-up in the later innings. There's a walk that will load the bases. The nation was suffering through a severe food shortage at that time, as we all know, and I for one ate my fair share of belts and saddle-shoe tongues. Not bad, actually, especially when fried in mutton lard with a sprinkle of celery salt. So it sometimes can take tragedy to define you as a human being, as the first baseman grabs the line drive and that will do it. So it's 5 runs for the Yankees on 4 hits, 2 walks, 2 runners left on base and one of the more bizarre plays in Yankees history. We'll be talking about that one for a very long time to come, I can assure you of that. We'll be right back after this. You are listening to Yankees baseball on the New York Yankees Radio Network!"

Am I exaggerating?? Just listen for a game and you'll see...

So, how do you feel about your local TV and radio broadcasters, whether they be working for your team or another? Let us know...