Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The Ground Rules

Here are some things that my wife and I tried back in 2008 during the Celtics-Lakers Finals. Some worked better than others, but this is what we came up with:

Rules:

  1. Watch the actual games in separate locations (I watch at a bar, she stays home. Reverse it for the next game, etc.).
  2. Immediately after the game (and for a while after if the game was close/controversial), no talking about it unless the fan of the losing team speaks first. The fan of the winning team does not initiate conversation about the game/series to that point. (NOTE: Even after the losing team's fan starts talking, it's best for the winning team's fan to hold to self-depreciating comments such as "wow, we just squeaked by on that one," "that was lucky, we won't get away with that next game," or "man, the (winning team name) just hit everything tonight, I was shocked. That will never happen again.")
  3. Any criticism of the opposing team's roster, coaching staff, style of play, etc., as well as any praise of your team's play, must be done among third parties, removed from the opposing team's fan (i.e. at a friend's house, over the phone in the bedroom with the door closed, at work, and so on).
  4. At the end of a game/series, a simple handshake and verbal congratulations may be exchanged, but again, only if initiated by the fan of the losing team.
  5. After the conclusion of the series, any championship DVDs, clothing, books or other paraphernalia must be concealed from the fan of the losing team, whenever possible. This is a judgment call on the winning fan's part, but you can usually tell where the line is. Bottom line, if you can stash it somewhere and adequately enjoy it when the other party is not around, it is wise to do so. To illustrate, my wife to this day doesn't know where I've hidden the Celtics 2008 Championship DVD. If she ever finds it, she will destroy it. I understand this. And since it is not a hardship to just pull it out and watch it when she's not around, there is no need to create tension by forcing her to look at it every time she faces the TV stand. It's just common sense.
These are more guidelines than rules, really, and can be tweaked to fit the relationship in question.

Obviously, some outbursts will be unavoidable. But humility and control are the keys to the whole situation. Keep it together (whether in joy or frustration) and know when to back off...in other words, find out where the line is, but don't hang around too long in the neutral zone. Root for your team (you), not against the other team (your loved one), and you will be on the path to a healthy rivalry relationship.

Please feel free to add any more "rules" you have used in the past or that you think could work...everything can be improved.

2 comments:

  1. What about third parties - can they bring it up in mixed company? Is there a statute of limitations? Can your Boston friends bring up the 2008 title run while catching up at a wedding? Should there be accountability for third party behavior? That seems unfair to me at first glance (since we can't control what other people say), but I find there is nothing worse than a friend who spouts off while you've worked so hard to follow the rules.

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  2. I would tend to agree, you can't be held responsible for third party behavior. My Boston friends mostly know that my wife is a Lakers fan...but if they ever forget, she does give them some latitude. It's when the third party knows the situation and then decides to go in for the kill that it's a problem. But unless your friend (or sometimes spouse) is a total prick, they will usually back off. Usually.

    Also, it can even be an opportunity...since this is your chance to be the white knight and come to the rescue, saying "hey man, that is uncool" (during) and "sorry you had to deal with that" (after). But join in, and you are toast.

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